Dive

I think I'm ready to be done with school. Scratch that: I KNOW I'm ready to be done with the school. Not because I think I know everything I need to do (and I still cringe when I think of the many things I feel like I *should* know 4 years into my seminary career), but because I am just DONE. I have "I've-been-in-school-my-whole-life"-itis. I am tired.

Yet, there is a little voice inside my head protesting "Savor this! Appreciate this! You will never have it again!" And I know it's true. When else in life will my "job" be to show up (in whatever state of cleanliness/presentability I choose), sit in a room with other interesting people and just, well, learn? That's kind of a sweet deal. I remember my friends in Goma, and try not to take my opportunities for granted. It's a discipline, but I will try not to squander my last year in academia.

And yet, I think it's a good tension that I'm feeling--I felt this very strongly when I came back from Goma, but I don't think God would be content with a bunch of ministers who are happy to stay in the classroom for the rest of their lives. I was that minister-to-be, up until last year even. I was not sick of school. I think this might be a good kick in the pants from God, giving me the motivation I need to leave the comforts of the academy and start trying my hand at this thing I've been theorizing about for 4 years now.

I feel like I've refined a personal art of surrender these last four years. With each road block that came my way, personally or professionally, I have made a habit it seems of throwing my hands up and just saying, "Really? You can have this" (admittedly: it is an alternately angry and reverent surrender :-) ). I think my spiritual "posture" these last four years has very much been of my arms outstretched into the air. When I think I about it now, it looks less like of a posture of defeat, or weariness. It looks more like a diver, poised to jump into the deep end.

So, maybe, I'm not weary with school, and where I am now. Maybe, after all the stretching and grieving and growing that these last four years have brought, I'm just ready to dive.

Back on Track

I find that the degree to which I want to write in my blog is directly proportional to the amount of schoolwork I should be doing instead of blogging.  Thus, with paper and application deadlines looming on the rapidly approaching horizon, I am here :-)  Getting back on track with this blogging thing.

It will be impossible for me to update on everything that's happened since my last post in July.  Here's the cliff notes version, though: I finished up my time at Fuller.  I went to Goma, DRC--it wrecked me and transformed me.  I started my 4th and (hopefully) final year at seminary.  I am on track with the ordination thing, and am applying for CPE residencies next year.  I am loving my friends, and my family--I am just smitten with my whole community right now.  

The time I spent at Heal Africa in Goma, DRC was perhaps the most blog worthy event thus far.  It is impossible to sum up my experiences when I filled up a whole journal's worth of thoughts during my time there.  But, fear not! :-)  You can read my thoughts (and other eloquent entries from my teammates) at our trip blog:  Goma Team Blog.

Also, I'm sure many of you have heard news of the worsening crisis currently unfolding in Goma, and all of Eastern Congo.  I encourage you to educate yourself about the cause of what has been dubbed a "humanitarian catastrophe" here:  "How We Fuel Africa's Bloodiest War."

This article gives one of the best, most accurate summaries of the situation in DRC that I have found.  If you want to learn more about HEAL Africa, one of the foremost organizations responding to this crisis, you can go to their website: www.healafrica.org

It's hard to know what else to say when so much time has passed!  The last few days have been a rollercoaster with the election: I echo my friends when I say that I am proud to be an American, but disappointed to be a Californian.  Watching Obama win, and celebrating that win in Berkeley, is something I will remember forever.  It was incredible to see the impromptu gatherings that took place, where perfect strangers reached out to each other with hugs, high fives, music, and celebration.  I am proud to be a part of history in this way, and I thank God that elections can be won not on the polemic of fear, but the polemic of hope.

My heart is heavy, though, thinking about Prop 8.  While hope won the national election, I think fear ruled on this statewide scale.  I know I cannot understand fully the effect this decision has on my LGBTQ sisters and brothers; but I grieve with them for the pain this decision has caused.  After the elation from Obama's victory, this was a sobering reminder of how much change still needs to come.

I'll leave you with this picture I took last night at one of the impromptu block parties my friends and I stumbled upon on our way home from a walk around downtown Berkeley--it captures, for me, the joy of the evening and the joy I've been feeling in my recent life!